23. I've been 23 for 10 days.
Where has my life gone!? Sometimes I find myself wondering what I'm doing with my life but then I think about how awesome of a new job I have and how I will eventually be able to do all the things I've wanted to do. Travel, buy myself something expensive for no reason, treat my friends once and a while. Which I totally did this past weekend. Helllooo rose gold Nixon watch.
I am content. I am not stressing about being broke. I'm not stressing about work. I am finally in a happy place in life. I have the most amazing support system in the world and they are always there when I need a kick in the ass... *cough*Hannah*cough*. Just kidding, she's there when I need some stern advice. But anyways, what I've come to the conclusion of up here in the middle of nowhere is that I am quite content with being alone. Which I mean for some people is horrifying. I know people who can't go longer than 2 weeks being single. I've been single for 23 years and I don't think I would have changed that for anything. Why? Because I've watched all my friends go through some of the most awful relationships and breakup and that look of utter heart break is not appealing to me. At all.
With that being said, I see all my close friends in seriously adorable relationships and I sit here and thing, hmm well that could be me maybe? Who knows. Maybe I'm not "relationship material" whatever that is supposed to mean. I've been told that, but what does that mean? That you want to hook up and never talk to me again? Been there done that. Screw you. I am worth more than your pity sex. Honestly, that's the thing I hate most. Don't say "oooo I want to be with you" then literally we sleep together and then completely ignore me when we see each other in Walmart or the bar. Was I a bet? Was I a joke? Fuck you if that's what you want because I'm done with all your drama and constant bullshit.
On another note, I love to hate men. I love to hate the way they mess with our minds. I love to hate the way they smell. I also love to hate how happy they make me. To be honest though, I have some pretty incredible men in my life. Not just men, I have some pretty incredible women too. But this is mainly about me bitching about shitty men. So lets stick with that. Honestly, I let them do it. I let them walk all over me. I think because I'm a people pleaser. I like to make people happy and in return I get nothing. I do things and never expect anything back anymore. That's sad to me. I deserve better than that. I deserve to be loved, wanted and most of all appreciated.
This all being said, I appreciate each and every one of them. Each of them have taught me so much about myself and what I actually strive for. Wait, that makes it sound like there has been copious amounts of random coitus happening. Which is NOT the case at all. Sorry dad, you probably do not want to know about this, but that's what you get for wanting to be my friend on facebook. HA! Back to the point, the most recent, I respect more than anyone and I am so grateful he is in my life. He's been a constant person I can go to for anything, and for that, thank you. You are an amazing man and any girl would be lucky to have you.
Moving right along here. I will be happy. I will strive to be a better human. A better sister. A better daughter. A better auntie to Dane and unborn Baby 2. And mostly, I will be a better me. With that being said; I am great as I am. And if you don't like that, please feel free to leave my life. I do not need anyone dragging me down or being a negative Nelly, I do that well enough on my own!
So now you all know how I feel about coitus, life and myself.
Potassium!
xoxo Daelyn
